Teddie Dahlin book excerpt

Teddie Dahlin made her debut in the Melhus Communications book, 'Sid's Norwegian Romance: Sex Pistols Exiled to Trondheim', which told of her brief relationship with Sid Vicious. Since March 2011, she has been writing her own book to detail the events more accurately, and is in the process of finding a deal for it. Here, Love Kills has an exclusive world-first chapter.

Sid and I had been flirting all day and had hooked up seriously after the concert. We got thrown out of the Hawk Club when Sid had a fight with a stupid guy that mooned us. We went back to the hotel, taking a few of the girls from the club with us. Boogie and Roadent were there already since they were expecting Debbie Juvenile and Tracey O'Keefe from London.

As I entered John's suite I found myself with a problem. One of the girls from the Hawk Club had taken a shine to Sid and she wasn't taking no for an answer. Of course many girls at the party were looking at the boys and trying to flirt, but they soon gave up when Sid was polite and moved on to talk to the next person. This girl was really aggressive. She was doing some heavy flirting. Sid had been in his room earlier cleaning himself up, changing his t-shirt and examining the damage to his nose and lip. When he came back to John's suite, the girl called Anne was all over him. She wanted to examine his sore nose and split lip and kept pushing up against him. She touched his sore lip and I saw Sid step back from her several times and try to talk to someone else, but she wouldn't leave him alone. She followed him and interrupted his conversations with other people and I could see he was getting a little stressed by her.

MARITH (Close friend to Teddie): What I remember best from that after party was Anne trying her hardest to get with Sid Vicious and him doing his best to get away from her. She wouldn't leave him alone and followed him wherever he went. She wasn't going to give up without a fight. And she simply ignored the fact that he wasn't interested. He looked like he was scared stiff of her.

Anne was a couple of years older than me, and I had always thought her very pretty. She was a regular at the Hawk Club and popular with the boys. I knew she had a boyfriend, whom she had left at the Hawk Club when they wouldn't allow any other Norwegian guys to come back to the hotel, except Tore. I was surprised he had let her go. Sid was now sitting in the only chair in the room. I handed him his beer and went to sit on the sofa with John, who had just returned from the lobby, and Anne. Anne wore a white boiler suit with a broad belt tied tightly around her small waist. She had opened up the zip at the front and although we didn't have push up bras back then in the late 70’s, she had her boobs pushed up and on display so she looked like she was trying to smuggle two bald guys across the border. Her boobs weren't that big, but they were up there, almost under her chin. We were in the sitting room of the suite and it was small and dingy with a wall-to-wall carpet marked by time and cigarette burns. The sofa stood towards the far wall and there were two windows, which opened on to the market square below. In front of the window, there was a huge TV on a small table. Roadent entered the room carrying a cassette player. He plugged it in and put it on a shelf over the sofa. He took out a worn cassette from his trouser pocket, put it in the player and turned it on. I was astonished to hear ABBA blasting loudly in to the room. 'SOS' filled the room and no one said anything, apart from sing happily along.

ROADENT: I used to play ABBA before the Pistols took to the stage. It used to annoy all the little Scandinavian punks so.

First I thought it was a joke, and that John would grab the cassette and throw it at Roadent, but he didn't. Everyone seemed to love it and they sang along at the top of their voices. They only had one cassette, ABBA Greatest Hits, and they played it over and over.
"Sid and I used to do some busking in London before we started the band and we would play ABBA," John said. "Sid would play the tambourine and people would come over to us and offer to pay if we shut up," John continued.
That made us laugh, and Sid confirmed it.
"We had to make money somehow. We were living in a squat and had no money for food. One guy gave us a fiver to shut up," he said.
Anne was staring intently at Sid. She made comments in broken English about how she thought he looked so good in his 501 jeans. Sid just said "thanks", and continued talking about their life back in England.
"I love ABBA," he said, "I went to a concert with them earlier this year in London. I went with Casino Steel and Lemmy. He's in Motorhead."
I shook my head again as I didn't know of any of them before and I had never heard of Motorhead.
"Ted you really should get out more," Sid laughed. "She has no fucking idea, John"
"Yeah, you've been in Norway for too long." John added.
Sid didn't motion for me to sit with him, nor did he treat me any differently to any of the other people in the room. But he kept giving me a warm smile from time to time, as if we shared a secret. I could see Anne pick up on the connection Sid and I had and I could tell she didn't like it. She would hog the conversation and try to exclude me. I caught myself wondering whether Sid couldn't see how insecure this made me feel. I wanted him to do something so that Anne would realise he wasn't available and give up. I couldn't make up my mind whether he had no grasp of the situation, whether he was testing me to see how I would react, or that he just found Anne's attention nice. I decided the best thing to do was simply let nature take its course. If Sid wanted to be with Anne or anyone else for that matter, then nothing I could do was going to change that. I must admit it did look as if he was simply being polite to her. He answered her questions and he moved away when she got too close. But he wasn't paying me a lot of attention either. So I decided I would remove myself from the situation and let them get on with it. It would be easier for Sid to just do whatever he wanted if I wasn't there. We hadn't promised each other anything and I felt he was free to hook up with someone else if he preferred to. I got up from the sofa without saying anything. I stoked his face carefully as I passed him and he smiled up at me and I left the room and went to look for Roadent.
There were quite a few people in Roadent and Boogie's room by now. Roadent's humour was wasted on me now. Debbie was still there and much more willing to chat now she had a little beer or two. There was no sign of Tracey. When I asked for her, I was told she'd "gone out", and I instantly knew I was being lied to. I didn't really care. I'd been in the room for a few minutes when I saw Sid in the hall. He glanced in to the room but didn't enter and went back to John's suite, which I found odd. I waited for 10 minutes and decided I'd given Anne enough time to make her move. I sneaked into the hall and peeked carefully through the door to the suite. My plan was to leave if Anne had succeeded in her blatant pursuit of Sid.

PETER GRAVELLE: I can't remember the first time I met Sid. It might have been "out" in London. In the beginning there was these bars and clubs that people went to. There was The 100 Club, The Nashville was another place in west Kensington. It was a big pub that had a stage and they put bands on. I think I saw The Damned down there first of all. Basically there were places that people played around the giggy circuit. But there was no real meeting place. I think the only real meeting place was when The Roxy opened in Covent Garden. It opened in two phases. The first phase was for about 3 months only. That's when Andrew Czezowski and Barry Jones were involved. They got fed up because it was basically, owned by a band of east end gangsters. It had been a gay bar before that and they took it over for certain nights. Then I think these people saw that the revenues had shot up and that there was something in this. When Barry and Andrew left, they found somebody else to take it over and run the place. But by then it had become the punk scenes place to be. I'd say it only lasted about 3 to 6 months. I'm not sure about the time span on that. But 6 months at the very most that this club ran for. It was a place to go every night. And if you look at the club listings you will find Siouxsie and The Banshees followed by Generation X followed by Chelsea followed by Eater. All these bands went on to have success and do well. Then The Heartbreakers came over and they would have this regular weekend residency there. The Clash played there a couple of times. The Sex Pistols never played because the Pistols weren’t allowed to play in England, which has all been proved to be false anyway. But they would hang out there all the time. Barry Jones flat in Maida Vale is where I think I met Sid and got to talk to him, the first time.

Sid and Anne were now sitting next to each other on the sofa, but it didn't look like he was letting her get any closer. John was in the chair with his back towards the door. Sid saw me straight away. I thought I hadn't given it enough time and was just about to go back to the other room when he signalled for me to come over and sit on the armrest of the sofa beside him. Anne was still trying to flirt, but she certainly wasn't succeeding.
"Where have you been?" he asked as I sat down and he sounded annoyed.
"Here and there," I answered casually, feeling just as annoyed.
I was peeved with him for not taking control of the situation.
"I was talking to the groupies in Boogie's room," I said. "Have you seen them?" He looked surprised and started to say something and then just nodded.
"You've been gone ages. I thought you'd left," he said, without looking at me.
"It's only been ten minutes, Sid. Anyway, I wouldn't leave without telling you first."
Suddenly Sid seemed to have had enough of Anne's constant flirting. He asked Anne politely to move over, which she completely ignored. She pretended not to understand what he said. When I translated she simply shrugged her shoulders, but didn't move an inch. He asked again, and again she refused to move, so he pushed her gently. She misunderstood the gesture and pushed him back, giggling. So he asked her one more time and said he was serious. She moved about 5 inches and laughed when he too moved in the same direction. So when he then pushed her all the way to the other end of the sofa, she willingly let it happen. However her smile froze when Sid pulled me down from the armrest beside him and put his arm around me and said, "That's better," and gave me a long kiss.
I could feel his sore lips on mine and he flinched.
"We don't have to kiss if it hurts" I said quietly, whereby he pulled me closer and said "Shut up."
We kissed again, and this time I didn't think he was going to stop. Finally, Anne seemed to get the message. She got up and left the room.
"Thank fuck for that," Sid said and laughed as she walked out in to the hall. I'm pretty sure she heard his remark.
"I thought she was going to eat me alive. Why didn't you do something? Why did you just fuck off and leave me here?" He said sounding annoyed.
"I wasn't sure whether you wanted me to do anything. I was waiting for you to make it clear you weren't interested. When you didn't, I thought I'd leave you to it," I answered.
"I was trying to be polite. And I was wondering why you didn't come over to the chair and sit with me. I was waiting for ages for you to join me and I couldn't understand why you just left. I thought maybe you'd changed your mind about me after the fight," he said.
"No, I didn't change my mind, and I was worried about you when I saw how badly you were bleeding."
"I didn't think you gave a toss." He added.
"There were so many people who were concerned about you. I couldn't get close enough to tell you I cared. There are so many pretty girls here and they all seem to like you, so I thought I'd just take myself out of the equation and leave you to do what you want." I said.
"And I was worried you didn't like me any more and that I'd misunderstood you when we hooked up earlier. I thought you didn't want to see me after the fight. I felt stupid, Ted."
"You are not stupid. Far from it. But you need to keep me a little closer because I don't always understand what it is you want."
"I thought I made it very clear what I want. You've got absolutely nothing to worry about with those girls. I'm not interested. They don't know me. They just want to fuck someone in the band. It's pointless."
We sat together on the sofa in John's suite talking and laughing. Sid was very attentive and kept close, and even if I went off to talk to some of the girls I knew, he would come and get me after a few minutes.

EILEEN POLK (Dee Dee Ramone's ex-girlfriend and friend to Sid and Nancy in USA): I spent enough time with Sid to know that when people were bothering him, or girls were trying to come onto him to put a notch on their belt, Sid would be stand-offish. You probably did the one thing that sparked his interest, by ignoring him a bit. John Lydon was like that too, he'd rather talk to the punk fans, or street people, or hit on some chick who didn't even know who he was than be with a groupie.

It was getting late. Steve joined us in John's suite. The beautiful girl called Nina he'd been pursuing had told him she was flattered, but not interested and had left. He sat down beside Sid and me on the sofa. I sat in the middle, between them. John was standing by the door talking to a group of people, but most people were in Roadent and Boogie's room, where the beer was.
"So do you ever get back to England?" Sid asked.
"Yeah occasionally. I've been back once after we moved here. I miss England, so defiantly thinking of visiting soon." I answered vaguely.
"So lets say if you came to London, where would you go?" Sid asked again.
"I don't know. I've never been to London before. A West End hotel I imagine. Isn't that where people stay? Why do you ask?" I replied.
Sid kissed me again first then said, "Because I would be very glad to see you if you came. So if you come, would you like to look me up?"
"Of course. You can show me London. I would love that." I answered happily. I remember thinking it would never happen, as trips to England usually meant being in Yorkshire with my family.
"You could stay with me if you like." Sid said, "I want to see you again."
Much as I would have loved to visit Sid in London, I seriously doubted my parents would ever let me stay with a punk rocker. I wasn't taking him seriously and just thought it was the usual polite remarks to look him up should I be in the same city.
"I have another week on tour and then I go back to London. So any time after next week would be a good time for you to come." He said.
"Oh," I answered in surprise. "You really want me to come? Seriously?"
"I wouldn't be asking you if I didn't want you to come. What would be the point of that?" He said and chuckled, "I want to see you again. I want you to come and see me in London. You can stay with me and we’ll have some fun. I think it would be good for you to get out of this place. It's a dump." He said and we both laughed.
"Sid can you get me a packet of fags from my room and pick up some beers from Roadent on the way back?" Steve suddenly asked.
Sid and John's eyes met in a flash across the room and I could feel the tension building.
"Go and get your fags yourself Steve," Sid answered.
"Seriously mate, I'm knackered and my back's hurting." Steve said pleadingly.
I decided to intervene and said, "What did your last slave die of, Steve? I'll do it, just tell me where they are."
It was meant as a joke, but no one seemed to think it was funny. There was a battle of wills going on, about issues I was completely unaware of. John didn't say anything, but I could see he was no longer listening to anything but the conversation between Sid and Steve.
"No Ted. It's not that I don't trust you, but my fags are in a bag and you wouldn't know where to look," Steve answered politely.
"Go on mate, please. I really need some fags. Take a packet for yourself as well. You know where they are, in the blue bag." He said.
Sid thought about it for a few seconds and slowly rose from the sofa, putting his almost empty beer bottle on to the table and said, "Ok Steve. I need to go to the toilet anyway."
He made his way towards the door and out into the hall. I was surprised when I saw Steve take a packet of cigarettes out of his pocket. He looked inside and showed them to me and there were quite a few in the packet. He smiled slyly at me and I was a bit dim and didn't get it to begin with. He threw the packet on to the table beside his beer along with a lighter. Sid had only just left when Steve moved closer to me. He put his arm on the back of the sofa behind me and suddenly leaned in and planted a kiss on my lips. He pushed his wet tongue into my mouth and moved it around. It took me completely by surprise, so I let it happen for a couple of seconds to be polite before I pulled back.
"Can you please not do that Steve?" I said.
I tried to move away from him, but he kept coming closer. I leaned back so that he wouldn't be able to kiss me again. I was worried what Sid would do should he see it. I didn't want to risk getting in to trouble with Sid for something I didn't do freewillingly. I could see John was watching us intently.
"You are really nice," I said, "but I’m sort of spoken for. But hey, you know this already..."
John walked over to where we were sitting to turn the cassette over for what must have been the hundredth time. It was quiet in the suite and only John, Steve and I were there, the group of people having left at the same time as Sid.
"So you like Sid then? I heard him asking you to stay with him in London. I'd be careful there if I were you," Steve said indignantly. "Sid's girlfriend won't like you messing around with her boyfriend. And you should keep well away from her, as she is a junkie and a total nutcase."
This was the first time I'd heard anything about a girlfriend. My heart sank. Of course, when I find someone I really like, he has to have a girlfriend. But I definitely didn't get the impression Sid was after a one-night-stand. He didn't seem to be messing around either, quite the opposite, in fact. He had made a great effort to get to know me. I didn't see the point in that if he just wanted a quick shag. There were plenty of other girls at the party who would happily oblige. I was confused.
"Tell her, John" Steve shouted to John above the sound of ABBA. "Isn't it true Sid has a girlfriend? I was just telling Teddie not to get too involved with Sid, as she's an evil, crazy person."
John looked at me like he didn't know what was going on; when in fact I knew he'd been listening to everything.
"Yeah. Sid's girlfriend's called Nancy. She's a total maniac. Keep well away from her." John answered.
It was at this point that Sid re-entered the room. No one spoke and apart from ABBA everything went quiet. I could see Sid picked up on the fact that there was a change of atmosphere whilst he had been gone. He looked at us and said
"Go on Teddie ask him," Steve said smugly.
"Ask me what?" Sid replied.
"Who's Nancy?" I asked, getting a little annoyed.
Sid's face turned pink and I could see him sending a hateful look in Steve's direction.
"She's my missus. My girlfriend." He answered jovially.
I had half expected him to deny everything and that comment simply pissed me off. I had spent the best part of the day flirting with Sid and he'd made an awful lot of effort to get close to me. I suddenly thought that all this time he's just been leading me on and I couldn't work out why. What was the point of it all? He hadn't pestered me for sex or been anything other than sweet and attentive and I was sure he was falling for me in the same way I was falling for him and I didn't understand. Why make such a big effort to get me to come to London, when he was already seeing someone. Had he planned to see me in secret? Or was he just full of bollocks? I didn't get it and I was confused again and pretty angry.
"So what do you think you are doing with me then, peeling potatoes?" I asked.
Everyone laughed at my comment, even Sid. Sid threw Steve's cigarettes on the table in front of him and place new beers for each of us on the table. He squeezed down on to the sofa, pushing roughly in between Steve and I, like he felt he needed to place himself between us.
"Fuck you," he said in Steve's direction.
Sid suddenly understood what had happened. He turned his back towards Steve, then took my hand and kissed it. I reluctantly let him, but I was fuming inside. I felt so silly. I knew I shouldn't have let Sid get so close to me. I knew it was stupid to fall in love with someone I knew so little about. That it could never come to anything. But I had fallen in love the way only a teenager can. Totally and completely, and it was too late to change that, girlfriend or no girlfriend. I had been so sure Sid felt the same way. But there was no way I was going to let him kiss me again if he had a girlfriend. I wasn't a one-night stand for anyone and it infuriated me that he obviously thought I was.
"It's not that kind of a relationship. It's not exclusive. We can see other people if we want to," he explained.
"Well good for you, but that's not an option with me," I said indignantly.
"I don't share. If it's a casual shag you're after, then you chose the wrong girl. I could never have an open relationship and I can't be here with you if you already have a girlfriend." I added.
I started getting up, but he held me back, pulling me back down on to the sofa again. John and Steve sat quietly drinking their beer and listening to us. I could hear the anger in Sid's voice when he talked about her.
"Don't go. Let me explain. We haven't been seeing each other for long. She treats me like crap. I am seriously thinking about what to do. Just before we came on tour we had a big fight. I'd been out one night and when I got home in the morning she was still in bed and there was a guy in the bathroom. She said he'd only come to use the bath, but I knew she was lying and that he'd stayed the night. He was so fucking smug. She has no respect for me at all. She fucked him in my bed, for God's sake. She didn't even have the decency to take him somewhere else." He was clearly agitated. "I don’t give a rat's arse who she fucks, just don't bring the sods back to the place I have to sleep. It's my fucking place, not hers."
Sid told me he hated this particular guy, and Nancy knew it. They'd had a fight earlier, before he met Nancy, and he thought she found some weird satisfaction in sleeping with this guy in Sid's bed.
"I couldn't live like that. Where's the loyalty? When you're with someone in a relationship you are meant to be a team and support each other and love each other. When you love someone you don't want to be with anyone else." I said. "I could never have an open relationship and I can't be with you if you are already with someone," I said sadly and got up from where I was sitting.
He tried to hold me back again by grabbing my arm tightly, but I shrugged his hand off roughly. I could see Steve and John watching us. I grabbed my beer bottle and left the room, fuming like an Aberdeen Angus.
"Nice one, Steve. Now go after her, Sid." I heard John say as I left the room.

Teddie Dahlin is a writer for Mudkiss Fanzine and at John Robb's Louder Than War. She lives with her family in Oslo, Norway.

© 2012 Teddie Dahlin/Love Kills